I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
