Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
