We're facebook friends in real life
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
