If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
