i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
