Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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