Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
