Plan B is the new Plan A
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I intend to get homeless drunk
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
