"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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