new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
