I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
