Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize