i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
