all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
