Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize