I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
