My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
