I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
