Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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