He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
