Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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