i was born a porn star she said
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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