I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I need to calm my uterus...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
