he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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