He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
