I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He shit in the fireplace
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
