They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
