oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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