it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize