I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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