his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
