i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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