Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
