Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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