Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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