I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
