I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
