It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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