ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
