Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
