Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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