Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
