I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
