It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
