Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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