I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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