last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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