It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
