I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
