It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
