Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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