Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
