so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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