i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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