May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize