This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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