I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
