Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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