You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
