Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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