i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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