did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
