How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize