we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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