Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We need a shit load of segways right now
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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