when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
