Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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