When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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