You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
