I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
