ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
